How we defeat the Mythists.

With the level of religious indoctrination that had been part of American society since its founding, and the evident attempt by mythists to reintroduce mythology in schools, how have logical people protected thier children from losing their minds to religion and forsaking science and reason?

Simply by being American.

For 100 years, the capitalistic society has fought the backward mythists with a myth of their own. In as exceedingly devious play, the capitalists even got the mythists to buy in and pass down the solution, innoculating most of the children of America from going off the religious deep-end.The Solution? Santa Claus.

I know, I know, how can a fairy tale defeat a fairy tale? Simply by having every child in America learn before they are 12 years old that even though they see Santa on TV, they have NASA tracking on the news, even their parents and teachers lie about the fat man, that it is a lie. That society lies. That there is no invisible fairy that can see you when you are sleeping, or awake. Santa is the primary reason that Americans are willing to question authority, not accept "tradition" as a reason, and therefore he releases our innovative abilities at an early, formative age. The revelation of the Santa myth leaves ever American child wondering about the other myths in their lives, whether the Easter Bunny, or Water Walking Carperters.

The Santa myth is designed to counter the Jesus myth, and gets buy-in from everyone from the media to parents. And it is Santa that will render useless the mindless mythists that want science to bend to their will. Some still fall through the cracks and believe in God even after realizing Santa was a lie, but those are rare and usually not big losses to society. Others pretend to believe because of social benefits (just like your kid thinking that if he doesn't believe, he might get fewer gifts), but don't really buy the myth.

So, when you want to protect your kids from backward thought, put on a Red Suit and go Ho, Ho, Ho. Over time, you will be giving your kids protection against an insidious danger to them and our great country.

I just love Christmas. The most patriotic time of the year.

Miers: Abortion Never Necessary

AP: Washington D.C.

The newest nominee for the Supreme Court has just been named by President George Bush in a ceremony at the White House.

Miers has been a close associate of the President for many years, and has a distinguished resume as a litigator. However, little is known about her judicial philosophy.

AP has learned, however, that Miers has a paper trail related to one key issue that the currently divided Supreme Court has consistently split 5-4: Abortion rights.

According to a speech the nominee gave in 1989, she does not beleive that abortion is ever necessary.

At a conference for female attorneys, Miers was asked to provide context for the legal background of reproductive rights, generally considered as part of the right to privacy. Miers reportedly said, "abortion is never necessary. As a lesbian myself, I think pregnancy can always be avoided. I fail to understand why weak-willed women don't just turn to other women for their sexual pleasure, rather than defiling their bodies with a male thingy."

Bush administration spokesman Scott McClellan was not available for comment prior to our publishing deadline.