Irish Lose!

AP: Belfast.

After 35 years of armed rebellion, the Irish Republican Army has finally decided that they are no match for Britian. Despite the fact that all other lands occupied by Britian have long won independence, the Irish determined that they are not up to the job. Observers world wide agreed.

In related news, France has indicated an intent to occupy several southern counties within Ireland, explaining that it appears like a certain opportunity to break their own losing streak. While the French Defense minister acknowledged that occupying Ireland is no longer considered "1-A" ball, it still beats losing.

AP was unable to find any Irish people sober enough to comment.

White House Asserts Privilege

AP:

WASHINGTON DC

A new wrinkle in the Supreme Court nomination of Judge John Roberts has emerged regarding papers written by Roberts for various government related jobs that he held.

According to sources, the main stumbling block is that Judge Roberts wrote the original draft of the infamous torture memo that has dogged the Bush administration since the Abu Ghraib scandal broke.

Apparently, it is this one memo that has caused the administration to invoke attorney-client privilege. One highly placed source said that it was an issue of being embarrassing personally to the President rather than an issue of confirmation, and will not be released, regardless of repercussions to the nomination.

The memo, entitled "Torture "B" Good," is apparently limited to about 100 words, and was specially edited so that President Bush could read it himself. The content was described as basing the rightness of torture on God's treatment of Job.

Neither Judge Roberts nor Scott McClellan were available for comment.

This Weekend, I met an American.

He was about 45 years old, had a family and kids, and a good civilian job. He is also a Reserve officer who lost his leg in Iraq as a Special Forces officer (working in Civil Affairs).

He had a great attitude, and was out exercising on his stump. The part that was amazing was that we met during trainup for a potential deployment to Afghanistan. He is planning on being part of the training team for the Afghan National Army.

I don't know if ultimately he will go, but the fact that a man with a good job, great family, and who had more than paid the price wants to do more makes me wonder why in a country of 300 million people, we are in a position where a man with a missing leg is on the list to return, and so many of us have done nothing.

Where is the rest of America?

Roberts outed Plame

AP Breaking News
WASHINGTON DC: In an unexpected convergence of two top stories, newly nominated candidate for the Supreme Court Judge John Roberts has been implicated in the Karl Rove/Valerie Plame scandal that some insiders hoped his nomination would quell.

Judge John Roberts was being interviewed for his current position on the D.C. Appellate Court the week before the Novak column that outed Valerie Plame was published. Office records indicate that Roberts spoke to Karl Rove just hours prior to the infamous conversation with Matt Cooper, Time reporter. The notes taken by Cooper indicate that "JR" was the source for the name and background for Ms. Plame. Initially thought to be a mistake for "KR," investigators are now reviewing thousands of hours interviews to see what other references they may have missed.

Inferences gained by deputy investigator Fred Simons after a thorough review of Roberts background shows a previously unknown CIA connection that has not been thoroughly vetted. Simons would only say that "Roberts has the background and connections to know of Plame's CIA responsibilities."

Reached by phone, Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean commented that "this is exactly the unholy alliance that we expect from this administration, requiring political payoffs for nominations. Even the Supreme Court is for sale for the right leak."AP was unable to find a Republican official who would go on the record, but the consensus of those contacted was that this revelation was very likely to derail the Roberts nomination.

Presidential Spokesman Scott McClellan said he had no comment on the recent revelations.