The Big Secret

AP Breaking News:

DNA tests conducted on the fallen of American's sons and daughters have shown a significant anomoly that has taken 6 months to verify prior to release. The potential result was so unlikely that additional tests were conducted, and all verifed the same answer. Using new imaging and mapping techniques, three separate labs (including the world leading Crimson Lab at Sierra Nevada) have corroborating data points indicating that the anomoly can only have one cause:

The tests have proven that Vice President Dick Cheney is the father of America's son's and daughters, and therefore has in fact been screwing America for decades.