Army Recruiting Campaign Targets Key New Demographic

AP: Arlington, VA

 

United States Army Recruiting Command has unveiled a new strategy to attract soldiers to fill the ranks of the army.  Capitalizing on the success of fantasy camps and adventure vacations like Outward Bound, the military believes it has hit upon a sure fire pitch for urban commuters, that should bring in aggressive and willing soldiers for deployment to Iraq.

 

The Spot:

 

Setting- rush hour traffic, anywhere.

 

Man 1:  Sitting in his SUV, cursing the traffic, looking wildly around for a bypass, suddenly cutoff by a van full of hippies, with eco-garbage bumper stickers claiming SUV’s support terrorists.

 

Cut in video of a HMMWV convoy, cutting through heavy traffic in Baghdad, brandishing machine guns, shooting flares to move slow drivers, sergeant tells driver to “go up stream,” cutting across the median and driving against traffic, sirens blaring.

 

Man 1:  giving the finger to the hippies, who slam on their brakes, and slow down the traffic further.

 

Cut in of convoy “disabling” the engine of uncooperative driver who failed to get out of the way fast enough…with a 30 round burst.

 

Man 1:  calling his boss to say he would be late…again.

 

Cut in of convoy calling for close air support to “clear a lane.”

 

Man 1:  Man fantasizes of shooting the hippies.  Hears a recruiting spot for the Army, takes the next exit for a recruiting station.

 

Cut in of convoy, with Man 1, driving “up-stream,” wide smile on his face, gets to his destination on time.

 

According to sources, group testing of the spot identified a likely response rate of nearly 10% of all commuters choosing to take a break from the daily grind, and live out the fantasies that they have so long held.  Military planners have stood up special Basic training camps that focus on aggressive driving techniques, and will be able to create special driving units capable of ensuring timely delivery of troops and material throughout the area of combat.

 

White House Spokesman Tony Snow commented today, saying that this new program is another example of the Bush administration providing opportunities to its key constituents.  In coming speaker Nancy Pelosi released a statement saying that despite her continuing disagreement with the policies and objectives of the war, she expects many of the commuters in her district to respond to the campaign favorably.